005

Currently:
-Reading: Moloka'i by Alan Brennert
-Listening: Spinning World by Gunnar Madsen
-Watching: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Today I saw a new doctor for my Cystic Fibrosis. I like him a lot; he has a great bedside manner. I've been to a myriad of doctors throughout my life, and not all of them have really clicked. And it's important that I get along well with my CF doctor, as he will be the most important doctor in my life.

The appointment took three hours! It was insane. But we talked about lots of things: obviously my lungs and day-to-day life with CF, but also fertility and sex, diet and weight, and other things that go along with CF.

He and a nutritionist help set up a plan for me for diet and exercise. It's nothing stenuous, just walking thirty minutes every morning. The nutritionist OK'd me to go ahead with my vegetarian diet which made me really happy. I see him again in a month, and I'm really excited to see where my weight loss progress is then. I'm not really hoping for/expecting more than five pounds, but it will be great to have any amount of weight off since I've struggled for so long with gaining, gaining, gaining. And if I haven't lost any weight, I know he's serious about helping me figure out if there's any underlying issues.

Life has been kind of stressful for me lately. Most aspects of my life are really happy or content, and I've been feeling happier and more positive than I have in an incredibly long time. However, my mother and I have had a lot of issues lately. She keeps trying to control me and is almost stalker levels of obsessive. We had to have a very long talk about why her behavior has been inappropriate (she threatened to drive four hours just because I didn't text her back!) and I hope she's finally starting to get it. I want her to, because I don't want to cut her out of my life, but I'm very wary and unable to trust that she can make the changes I need her to make so we can continue our relationship. It's also painful because no matter how much I try to get through to her that she's mentally ill and needs help, she refuses to hear it and takes it as an insult instead.

No matter what, I feel happy that more and more I'm becoming in control of my life: health, weight loss, and relationships. It's wonderful to finally assert yourself and grab the reins for yourself.

004

I am going vegetarian! Oh boy!

It's really because I'm experiencing some health issues that would be lessened if I ate a healthier and high fiber diet. As I looked over what I can eat, it became obvious that the best choice was to go vegetarian!

So far I'm reading about what I should be eating, what sort of supplements I should take, and what sort of side effects I might have. I'm not looking forward to bloating...but I hope it goes away fairly fast!

Mostly to start out I'll just be making large amounts of soups and vegetable curries to get me going. I'll be eating fresh fruits for breakfast and snacks.

I suppose my new diet will be a combination of vegan and vegetarian. While I'm not doing this for ethical reason and am not looking to intentionally eat vegan, I imagine a lot of what I will be eating WILL be vegan. I'm also going to eat gluten-free (because Celiac's runs in my family and most vegetarian options are gluten-free anyways) and low-dairy. As it is, I already drink almond milk and don't eat much dairy. Most of this will just happen naturally. I'm also cutting back on my alcohol intake a LOT.

I'm really excited though!

003

Today Rob and I started "planning" our wedding. It's still probably a couple of years off, but we came up with some things we want...but mostly we came up with what we DON'T want! So far we've got:

• I will be wearing a gold wedding dress. I don't believe or agree with what a 'white' wedding dress stands for. Plus, no white woman looks good in white, period. 
• I will not be walked down the aisle or given away. Neither of us believe in, or with, the connotations behind giving a bride away (you used to be my property, now you're his property!). 
• There will be no prayers or mentions of god during our ceremony. We're both atheists and want our wedding to reflect who we really are. This includes 'traditional' religious ideas such as 'obeying' the husband. 
• There will be no lighting of a Unity Candle, because it's tacky and dumb and not our style. 
• We want our ceremony to last about 15 minutes. Neither of us are fans of being the center of attention, and all we really want to do is exchange vows and rings. 
• There will be no receiving line. See above: we do not like to be the center of attention and receiving lines are forced and awkward. 
• We're having Indian food catered in. And red velvet cake. DEAL WITH IT.
• People will not be allowed to bother us while we're eating. So often brides and grooms are harassed and don't even get to eat the delicious food they're paying for. Nope. You try to talk to me during dinner, you'll be pulling back a blood stump. (To be fair: most people who know me know to not bother me when there's food around.)
• There will be no first dance. See above: we do not like to be the center of attention and slow dances are already awkward enough without people staring at you. 
• No tossing of the bouquet or removing of the garter/tossing the garter. They're humiliating for everyone involved. 
• And the biggest one of all: just because someone is a family member does NOT mean they will be invited. Unfortunately a lot of my family members are very negative, spiteful, and have a tendency to cause drama. While I might love them (although I dislike a lot of them) if they're someone I know will be unhappy and disrupt my wedding in any way, they won't get an invitation. 

I'm really happy about these plans, and I'm happy that I have a partner who's on the same page as me. Some of these might cause some problems with others, but in the end it will be about Rob and myself! 

002

Welcome to the world, Owen Edward Tryson!

Sometime around 1am this morning my nephew was born. I've been excited about him since I found out in October and I can't wait to meet him this weekend. He's been such a bright spot to me today!

He's not really my nephew (at least not until my boyfriend and I get married, although we do plan to in the future) but I don't have any siblings of my own, so I'm ready to be an aunt to him! I don't even know if I can/should have children, so it's exciting to be around a baby I can totally spoil and take care of and have fun with.

I know I'm just going to love him to bits.

001

My boyfriend Rob and I have recently decided to quit drinking for a few weeks. The decision really came after we realized how much money we've been spending on alcohol and the fact that money is tight for the next two weeks or so.

However, we've both realized we have a bit of a drinking problem. Not full-blown alcoholism (otherwise we wouldn't be able to stop, really) but we drink way too much and have too much of a dependency on alcohol. I know it's personally been something I use to 'help' with depression. It's become really concerning to me lately that I can drink an entire six-pack and not even feel a buzz.

It's funny, because I'm obese and struggle with weight loss and often feel discouraged because I have a hard time losing weight. But I really wonder how much of a difference not drinking will make. I've never counted how many calories I'm consuming from alcohol a week, but the number is easily over 5000 calories (if one beer is is 150 calories).